Perhaps because I’m married, I have a small handful of friends that believe that I’m qualified to give relationship advice.

I most assuredly am not. My wife will back me up on this. But people still ask.

I have a script to let them know that I’m not the expert they’re looking for:

“So what do you think I should do?”

“You, good SIR OR MADAM, need to practice ‘The Blender’©.”

“The what now?”

[I demonstrate. Basically, it’s a tongue swordfight. Or, the Tasmanian Devil meets Cookie Monster in my mouth.]

[They recoil in disgust.]

“That should totally solve all your problems.”

[They expel their lunch into the nearest waste basket.]

“Sixty percent of the time, works ever time.”

Now I don’t know if I’m talking about my script or The Blender. Anyway, this couple on TLC’s upcoming show Virgin Diaries clearly have been talking to me.

You go get him, girl.

(via Warming Glow)