Scott Adams shares what happens if you don’t wear gloves while chopping jalepeños:

A few minutes passed, and I felt a tingle in my left hand - the one that directly handled the peppers. The tingle turned into a warm sensation, and the warmth turned into…well, this will take some explaining.

Imagine turning a broom upside down, so the pointy bristles are facing up. You take your hand, palm facing down, and bounce it on the pointy bristles. Can you imagine how uncomfortable that feels on your hand? Okay, good.

Now imagine that a giant troll sees you playing with the broom. He snatches it out of your hand, chews the handle into a point and shoves it so far up your ass that you can taste it. Then he uses you like a huge flyswatter to kill a nest of porcupines that are living in his salt mine. My hand hurt like that.

I found this extra amusing because this happened to Kristin a few weeks ago.

Seriously, don’t touch this stuff.